Film: MSG – The Messenger (Film released on Friday after Punjab and haryana High Court refused to ban its screening))

Cast: Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh, Daniel Kaleb, Flora Saini, Jayshree Soni, Olexandra Semen, Gaurav Gera
Director: Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh, Jeetu Arora
Rating: 0.5/5

He is the love charger, ghost-rider, superpower, vigilante, bomber, painter, healer, father… and much more rolled into one. His swagger is unmistakably Bollywood, enough to brand him the 'baap' of all heroes. His fashion sense is so tacky that any designer worth his name could go delirious. In other words, Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh (GRRS) is megalomania personified. Ladies and gentlemen, we now have our version of the last action hero, and believe us, we were better off without one all these years. 

It’s not a film but blind self promotion. Watch it only if your survival depended on it. It’s another Gunda (Kanti Shah’s film) in making. I am going by 0.5 because it talks about social evils and somebody has tried to make a film.

GRRS plays himself in a self-funded 197-minute-long advertisement of his 'humanitarian' deeds and the political clout he's never tried to hide. He is a crusader against substance abuse, prostitution, terrorism, female foeticide, corruption, AIDS... the list is endless. He commands the 'respect' of more than 5 crore people all over the world, and that gives him the power to do literally everything on earth. No wonder then that a local politician Khurana, who also owns a news channel and is as clueless about his character as anybody else in the film, wants to get him out of the way.  

To cut a long story short, he hires a deadly assassin Mike (Daniel Kaleb) who also runs an international drug cartel. And before we forget, Guruji is also constantly accompanied by three women (we don't know what their role is). The saving grace is that they are in charge of a banal and stale climax.  

So, who will win this battle of virtues? Can GRRS beat a pack of killer wolves? MSG is  released on Friday. 

He might be pot-bellied, but he is as agile and spontaneous as Anil Kumble used to be in the gully. He mostly missed the ball, but that never stopped him from diving. Guruji leads a peaceful life in his posh ‘ashram’ where followers call him ‘pitaaji’ and he calls himself ‘insaan’ (human). Like it happens always, in reel life, he has lots of enemies and they cannot wait to see his downfall.  So the guruji is attacked one day, knowing fully well that that ‘guruji pe hamla karna 5 crore hindustaniyon se panga lene ke barabar hai.’ The innocent motive of killing GRRS culminates in a sequence where bullets turn into a tiara, and swords become rose petals. Already doubting Rajinikanth's superstar abilities?  

GRRS has done everything in MSG, except dancing. But don't worry. Even that is taken care of in a sequence where Mike throws a poisonous Golden Snitch (or some such weapon!) on a crowd going delirious listening to guruji's song ‘never ever’. Come on, don’t ask us what a Golden Snitch is. Remember Harry Potter and his obsession with Quidditch. The sky is covered with toxins and GRRS has no time to stop it, and then the unthinkable happens. Everybody stars chanting Dera Sacha Sauda’s slogan and the pious air that comes out of their collective mouths begins pushing the toxic air. Do you still want us to tell you what happened next? 

MSG was completed in 67 days: The film looks tacky enough to prove it beyond doubt that it was a rush job. The lead character has a penchant for aerial action sequences but they appear bizarre, especially when he lands with the help of a rope. It seriously looks like those comic books where Dhruv or Nagraj jumped out of helicopters, only they were more thrilling. The film is splattered with super slow motion and that serves absolutely no purpose other than giving the disciples one more chance to whistle. Why did I even take it seriously? That reminds me of the girl sitting next to me who was dancing and clapping with joy everytime GRRS thrashed the baddies. The mood inside the hall was electrifying and I won’t be surprised if MSG goes on to make profits.

The patchy-haired protagonist is one tough soul when it comes to acquiring new skill sets. This master of management is a photographer, biker, racer, potter and many more things. He is also into inventions: He has invented a game called Gul-Stick, a smart combination of gilli danda, cricket and baseball! In all fairness, though, it seemed more chic than its existing decayed version.

Playing guitar while performing stunts is just another moment in guruji's life as there are other things to take care of. One of them is breaking a 75 cm-thick tree trunk into four parts... but then he was left with no choice. At least eight people were charging towards him with this strange looking log. 

Though his thick beard hides his buck toothed smile, GRRS he still manages to convey his good intentions with the help of some super preachy dialogues. Consider this one: "Baap hain hum sabke aur isiliye hum shubhdeviyon (former sex workers) ki shaadi karayenge aur unko ghar dilayenge." Similarly, he has been shown as teaching people about the ill effects of liquor and drugs. 

The climax is worth mentioning because you wouldn’t have seen anything like this before. Even Batman will think thrice before attempting something similar. I don’t want to kill your fun, so I will leave you with just one hint. It’s the combination of a superbike, a gas balloon and parachute rope, all in one breath...several feet up in air. 

It's ironical that one dialogue towards the end stuck with me when one character was pleading to the guruji: "Bas peetaji bas." He was echoing my sentiments. 

It’s not a film but blind self promotion. Watch it only if your survival depended on it. It’s another Gunda (Kanti Shah’s film) in making. I am going by 0.5 because it talks about social evils and somebody has tried to make a film.