A love relationship comes with a lot of effort, commitment and understanding. It requires constant effort in knowing the other person and being a better version of ourselves. Once the initial firecracker phase gets over, we get to see the other person with all of their vulnerabilities, past traumas and imperfections. It is then we need to work more in understanding them and making a safe space for them to be vulnerable and their truest best.

Psychologist Nicole LePera shared the five languages of love that will help us to create a wholesome relation – a place where both of us can grow, thrive, individually and together, both.

Understanding their past trauma – When we undergo a trauma, we try out a coping mechanism for ourselves and also a pattern of behavior. It is then that we need to understand why they are behaving in a certain way and create a healthy place for them to heal and get better. It is also important for us to individually try to heal ourselves from our own traumas too.

Being aware about how nervous system works – When we are not in a position to process our thoughts, we become bad listeners. We try to negate the incoming information, and hence a lot of fights become cyclical which creates further problems. Understanding and learning to regulate our nervous system can help us in being a better partner.

Commit to your partner’s freedom – A lot of us have been constantly shamed or made to feel guilty in our childhood for being our truest self. This makes us put up a face of pretense in life. But creating a safe space for our partners to be able to have difficult conversations, and being able to share their emotional state can help us to make the relationship a better place for both of us.

Knowing to control the ego – Often in relationships, we let our ego take the upper hand in order to protect us. However, this creates resentment and misunderstanding in the relationship. We should learn to be aware of our ego and regulate it in order to make choices based on love, and not fear.

Be non-judgemental – Treat your partner as an autonomous individual who can make the best decision for themselves. This helps in creating mutual respect and understanding. It also helps in making the relationship a safe and a secure place.